I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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