At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
