I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
