Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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