A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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