You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
