between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
