Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
