dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
