he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
