Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
