I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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