Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
