Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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