You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
