the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
