I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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