I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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