Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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