I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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