My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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