David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
