I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
