We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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