WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
