Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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