and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
