I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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