what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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