He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i've created a new STD.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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