ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
