are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
