I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
