So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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