from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
