I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
