This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
