Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i came on her dog
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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