yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I am one with the molecules
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
