yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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