I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
