The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
