your room smells of hookers.
And success
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Still dying that you shit outside
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
