I got chris browned last night
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
