ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
