it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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