brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I need to align my fucking chakras
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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