I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
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A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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