I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
