CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
