Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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