dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
