it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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