i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
