Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
