this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Randomize
