Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
