I would go down on you faster than GM stock
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
