A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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