Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
