ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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