I think I died a long time ago.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
