by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
