Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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