Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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