I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
