My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
