it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
