cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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