We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
