My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
