I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
