What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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