he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
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