why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
