I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
