What did we do last night that was yellow?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
