I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
