i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have tasted many bathrooms
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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