Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
