Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
