And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
