I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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